TBI - Acceptance is a Process Humpty Dumpty
Hello. My name is Kristy and I have a traumatic brain injury. I accept this statement as fact. Yet there is more to acceptance than acknowledging the obvious.
Granted, there are TBIers out there that injured a part of their brain where they cannot accept the obvious. I am not one of those types. I'd like to say I'm typical, average or heaven forbid "normal" for a TBI survivor. My doctors beg to differ and say I am atypical. Okay. I like to be different. I'm weird that way and I'm okay with that aspect of Me.
Me. This is the slippery slope of acceptance that has me landing face first in the mud. I understand the concept that I need to integrate Kristy v 1.0 and the current Kristy v 2.3 into a whole being. I felt and still feel like Humpty Dumpty wondering when all of those damned horses and men sent by the King are going to put me back together again. Hello...I am still waiting! Yep, over here! Hey, where are you going with those pieces? I need those!! Looks like they threw away some pieces, hid others and lost the rest.
Picking through the pieces of Kristy v 1.0 feels like a major archaeological expidition with limited funding in the middle of the desert. In summer. Tired, short on patience with an impending dead-line to meet. Did I mention I lost my map and compass? That's me. Lost. Thank God you have to be lost in order to find yourself!
In reality, I find myself at a friend's vacation place on Lake Fork, TX. It is summer and hot as Hell. I am lost and trying to find Me. Again. Over this past month I've taken an inner journey trying to remember who Kristy v 1.0 was, what parts of her still exist, who Kristy v 2.3 is and what the hell she's going to do with the rest of her life. I've pretty much got one thing figured out. I need a new theme song for this play I'm in called Life. Yes, Christina I am a Fighter, Natasha I am Unwritten and Pink I won't Let Me Get Me. But how do I get there from here?
For some reason I think of myself now, Kristy v 2.3, as somehow less than Kristy v 1.0. Kristy v 1.0 fought hard for her accomplishments as a single mom, Senior Webmaster, student, landscape designer. She climbed her way to the top of the business ladder to land with the coveted window view and head of her own department. Her IQ was a step below Genius! Hello the girl was a smart cookie. She gave speeches to college president's educating them in all things Web and how to best market their colleges to students. She wrote a radio ad that aired on the major markets throughout her state. Wow...she really was pretty damned cool. I liked her. I miss her. I've mourned her just like I've mourned the death of my parents. I let go of them. I can't let go of her. They died. She did not. No matter what that neuro told me. (The old Kristy died in that accident and this one before me was born. You need to let her go.)
I don't have a problem with acceptance when I'm surrounded by people that knew Kristy v 1.0 and Me now. Meeting new people is where I end up in that muddy face plant. I feel this overwhelming need to tell them, "This person that stands before you...isn't really me. Kristy was...fill in the blank with pre-tbi accomplishments." Why do I still do this? Should I create a t-shirt that tells people I'm Kristy v 2.3 with a thumb pointing to the back that describes who I was? Sadly...I've seriously thought of doing this!
Hello, my name is Kristy and I have a brain injury.
Cognitive difficulties are very common in people with TBI. Cognition (thinking skills) includes an awareness of one's surroundings, attention to tasks, memory, reasoning, problem solving, and executive functioning (e.g., goal setting, planning, initiating, self-awareness, self-monitoring and evaluation).
Oh ya, I forgot. I mean...I know I have a brain injury. What I keep forgetting is that those skills listed above were compromised when my brain was ReWired and I get stuck in a loop. Welcome to my crazy mixed up world.
I'm walking, talking, reading and many other things that I could NOT initially do after my brain injury. I'm getting there one step at a time and trying to just live in the moment. After all the present is a gift...which I now treasure.
Where are you at in TBI Acceptance? Tell me. I want to know. We could make fabulous t-shirts together!
Kristy ReWired
Granted, there are TBIers out there that injured a part of their brain where they cannot accept the obvious. I am not one of those types. I'd like to say I'm typical, average or heaven forbid "normal" for a TBI survivor. My doctors beg to differ and say I am atypical. Okay. I like to be different. I'm weird that way and I'm okay with that aspect of Me.
Me. This is the slippery slope of acceptance that has me landing face first in the mud. I understand the concept that I need to integrate Kristy v 1.0 and the current Kristy v 2.3 into a whole being. I felt and still feel like Humpty Dumpty wondering when all of those damned horses and men sent by the King are going to put me back together again. Hello...I am still waiting! Yep, over here! Hey, where are you going with those pieces? I need those!! Looks like they threw away some pieces, hid others and lost the rest.
Picking through the pieces of Kristy v 1.0 feels like a major archaeological expidition with limited funding in the middle of the desert. In summer. Tired, short on patience with an impending dead-line to meet. Did I mention I lost my map and compass? That's me. Lost. Thank God you have to be lost in order to find yourself!
In reality, I find myself at a friend's vacation place on Lake Fork, TX. It is summer and hot as Hell. I am lost and trying to find Me. Again. Over this past month I've taken an inner journey trying to remember who Kristy v 1.0 was, what parts of her still exist, who Kristy v 2.3 is and what the hell she's going to do with the rest of her life. I've pretty much got one thing figured out. I need a new theme song for this play I'm in called Life. Yes, Christina I am a Fighter, Natasha I am Unwritten and Pink I won't Let Me Get Me. But how do I get there from here?
For some reason I think of myself now, Kristy v 2.3, as somehow less than Kristy v 1.0. Kristy v 1.0 fought hard for her accomplishments as a single mom, Senior Webmaster, student, landscape designer. She climbed her way to the top of the business ladder to land with the coveted window view and head of her own department. Her IQ was a step below Genius! Hello the girl was a smart cookie. She gave speeches to college president's educating them in all things Web and how to best market their colleges to students. She wrote a radio ad that aired on the major markets throughout her state. Wow...she really was pretty damned cool. I liked her. I miss her. I've mourned her just like I've mourned the death of my parents. I let go of them. I can't let go of her. They died. She did not. No matter what that neuro told me. (The old Kristy died in that accident and this one before me was born. You need to let her go.)
I don't have a problem with acceptance when I'm surrounded by people that knew Kristy v 1.0 and Me now. Meeting new people is where I end up in that muddy face plant. I feel this overwhelming need to tell them, "This person that stands before you...isn't really me. Kristy was...fill in the blank with pre-tbi accomplishments." Why do I still do this? Should I create a t-shirt that tells people I'm Kristy v 2.3 with a thumb pointing to the back that describes who I was? Sadly...I've seriously thought of doing this!
Hello, my name is Kristy and I have a brain injury.
Cognitive difficulties are very common in people with TBI. Cognition (thinking skills) includes an awareness of one's surroundings, attention to tasks, memory, reasoning, problem solving, and executive functioning (e.g., goal setting, planning, initiating, self-awareness, self-monitoring and evaluation).
Oh ya, I forgot. I mean...I know I have a brain injury. What I keep forgetting is that those skills listed above were compromised when my brain was ReWired and I get stuck in a loop. Welcome to my crazy mixed up world.
I'm walking, talking, reading and many other things that I could NOT initially do after my brain injury. I'm getting there one step at a time and trying to just live in the moment. After all the present is a gift...which I now treasure.
Where are you at in TBI Acceptance? Tell me. I want to know. We could make fabulous t-shirts together!
Kristy ReWired
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