Lunch Date: Past & Present Collide

I was nervous about my lunch date today.  I've only seen Doug twice since my car accident.  We worked together for eight years.  Over the past 12 years Doug has been there for me through the most difficult Life experiences one can imagine:  the death of my father, 2 divorces, kids gone bad, and my car accident.  He was my confidant, counselor, minister, savior, hero, cheerleader, champion, lunch companion, partner in crime and friend.  I love him dearly as he in turn loves me.

Me, Jennifer, Doug & the beaver 2006
(inside joke, don't ask)

Jennifer joined us for lunch since we all worked together. (see goofy hat pic) She laughed at my nervousness about seeing Doug.  It was silly, but examining the why's I found that Doug is the closest being I have left in my life to a Dad.  His son's are a year older and younger than myself.  What I feared was him seeing me differently and disappointing him.  His opinion of me is one I actually respect.

Doug knew what I was capable of in my career, witnessed my triumphs, hurdles and defeats every day.  Doug wrote the recommendation letter for my college application.  It was filled with glowing observations he's made of me over seven years of my life.  I thought it BS, but he confirmed that's how he experienced me.  What would he see now?  Would he pity me?  Treat me differently?

Walking into the restaurant I walked straight into his open arms into a bear hug.  Home.  Oh god it felt so wonderful.  And though I warned him tears might be shed, I only felt joy at seeing him.  He started teasing me straight away...meaning he was treating me just like always.  Whew! Although, when I excused myself to the ladies room I heard he and Jennifer talking about me.  He wanted to know how I'm really doing.  He's concerned for me.  He watched me fade as we talked for 2 hours.  They never hide anything from me, so the discussion continued as I reclaimed my seat.

Doug took this shot of me at work
(bad hair day much?)

The best news is I'm still his girl.  I feel like a little kid beaming up at her daddy with a huge silly grin on her face.  I was concerned that this man that was so proud of my accomplishments would see me as less than I was before (I'll post his letter of recommendation to college another time).  Doug, thankfully, sees the me within...as a soul in a body, and doesn't judge me on my external capabilities.  I told him I was nervous to see him, "What!?  It's just me!"  Exactly!  I laid my head down on the table at one point and he gave my head a fatherly love stroke.  I didn't realize how much I needed that until he gifted me with it.  It felt like, "It's okay Kristy.  It's all going to be okay.  You're home now with people that love you."  It was the most comforting experience I've had since my mom died.  I reclaimed another pillar of my crumbled Life's foundation.  It was healing.

While I was away Doug and Jennifer also decided to throw me a birthday party!  I haven't had a birthday party since high school.  My birthday is March 17th aka St. Patty's Day.  I've never gone out on my birthday.  This year they're planning a get together with my kids and friends to celebrate my 43 years on this earth.   AND because they know me so well, they are planning it at an environment that won't mess with my brain's central processing center that alters my hearing.  How cool is that?  WAY COOL.  To have friends take this into consideration is simply amazing.  I'm a lucky girl!

Doug reminded me, yet again, that my real friends love me through all of my changes, tbi aside.  They've been there, will be there and if they are not...then they are not truly my friends.  I am so blessed to have such wonderful people in my Life!  My heart overflows with gratitude and love for them all.

I am where I'm supposed to be.  For now. And that is enough.

Kristy